Things I Learned From Hauling My Ass To NYC

Things I Learned From Hauling My Ass to NYC (or How To Have A Mental Breakdown at Work) I don't get incredibly lonely when I'm going to work everyday and going through routine. I get incredibly lonely when I'm with people and I realize that I have missed them terribly and I just have not let it come to my attention (yes, I do compartmentalize to that extent). I first started to come to this conclusion when my mum came up to visit. I realized just how gosh darn hard I had missed all my family and how much I actually did enjoy spending time with them. It was driven home when Anita, one of my best friends, came to visit right before I am scheduled to go home for a long weekend. I'm hanging out, enjoying life with her and it hits me. I have missed spending time with people who know me, care about me personally, and like me. I then went home, realized all the things I had been missing and did not want to come back to New York. I literally spent the last two days trying not to think about how much I wanted to stay in NC. I, of course, did go back because, well a) all of my clothes are up here and b) I don't really like being a failure. I lasted two days. I broke down in the middle of the day, in the office. Those of you who know me, know this is not like me. Those of you who know me also know I like to be left the hell alone (sorry sorry) when things like that occur. My boss and coworker did not know that and kept pushing, which led to me crying off and on all day (which is reallllyyy unusual), awkwardness to the extreme, and telling my boss how I disliked what I was currently doing. During the pity lunch that she took me to. When asked by coworker how lunch was, my only reply was "awkward." So I have set a goal for myself in hopes it will get me over this mental setback and in hopes that I don't start out each morning dreading the day. I am going to use my job to meet as many people as I can, personally and for business purposes, and see where that leads. My boss even gave me permission for this. She basically said I was too nice and I should not feel guilty for doing things like taking advantage of my current position to make new contacts. We shall see if that works or not. Living in NYC, you can get pretty isolated. I know, it seems ridiculous. But seriously, all those people walking around you have their own thing to do. No one looks at each other for long on the street or in the subway. It isn't normal to start chatting to your neighbor, sure it happens every now and then, but generally this is not the case. So you have to put yourself out there. Join a group. Go to a bar. Invite people to come out with you, because chances are people will not invite you to go out with them (people generally do not think about other people).

On that note, don't be duped by for horrid guys (or girls), who pretend like they like you and only want to get in your pants. I met a guy, seemed nice, at a bar with my friend Anita. Gave him my phone number and he started texting. All he could seem to talk about was my boobs. Occasionally he would veer away into what seemed like real conversation (even jackasses can't be jackasses all the time). I met him for a drink, and he really was pretty nice, but I could tell he was taking as many glances as he could if you know what I mean. I went home (ALONE DAD ALONE!) and he continued to text, but the weekend I was away on vacation: nothing. The day I'm supposed to get back, more texts. He said something to the effect of "I would really like to see you" (after he had talked about my boobs some more. And I said "No, you want to see my boobs, not me. Entirely different thing." All I got back was a ":-(" face and I haven't heard from him since. So moral of that story: Just because you are lonely, do not get together with people who do not treat you like they should. You deserve better, no matter what. Also he was a horrid tipper. That was my second clue at his wanker ways. Word to the wise for the boys: us girls really do pay attention to things like that. If you're skimpy tipping the nice waitress, what else are you going to skimp on?

Also, Camille left me to go back to the south. SHE EVEN BAKED ME COOKIES THE NIGHT BEFORE SHE LEFT. She is a wonderful person. Which probably did not help my desires to go back to the south. Although Camille's viewpoint is to get back up here as soon as she can. She's got a nice boytoy to keep her company when she does come back up here. Although he might be moving somewhere weird like Michigan. Don't do it Mikhail. Don't do it.

There will probably be more posts of this nature in the future. I'm sure they all won't be this depressing.